Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Grabbing the Bull

Have you ever been in one of those places in life where you aren't sure if you're in the middle of a phase, a transition...or a really sticky spot where you need to grab the bull by the horns and twist him around until he's headed in a different direction?

Yup, I'm there.

Life seems so very scattered and random and directionless lately. In between the screaming and the fits and the drama, there's the attitude and the kicking-the-crap-out-of-each-other and major anxiety and I-can't-sleep-take-me-to-the-doctor.

Life with children is beautiful, they say. And it is. There are just certain parts that never make it into the painting. Like when the Mom is really frustrated and can't focus long enough to string two thoughts together. And the kids overtake the day like this insane cosmic force that plows through the house and destroys everything in its path. And Mom just wants it quiet in her head so she can figure things out, but its never quiet.

Some people come to homeschooling because they don't like the rigidity of public school. They don't like the boundaries. They don't like being told what to teach their kids when. And so on and so forth.

And other people come to homeschooling and realize that somehow the complete and total freedom is somehow suffocating in its own way and that when the boundaries are taken away, you can get mixed up in anything from overkill to absolutely nothing, neither of which are any good at all.

Hubster reminded me last night that the entire point of homeschooling is that a family can make it work for their own situation. If something isn't working, the freedom is that you can change that "something" until it does work. Don't worry about what the label is for what you're doing educationally. Just do what works. Whatever it is.

And so today, for me, is about grabbing the bull. Figuring out where we lost it...whatever it is...and finding out where to pick it up again so we can move forward. Schoolishness, emotionalness, behavioral junkiness...whatever it means for us.

Because, after all, that's what homeschooling was supposed to be about.
Us.

10 comments:

Erin said...

You are a wonderful mother no matter where the road leads you. Everyone takes the long way sometimes, and we won't know the reason until we've arrived at our destination. Hang in there kiddo- I love ya!

mamak said...

Yep! Been there. Do what works for your family and flip all the other stuff off. The point of homeschooling is so we don't have to fit in boxes and sometimes we put our own selves in boxes to make preconceived ideals work. Live how you want to live, where everybody's needs are met, that is a truly free life.

mb said...

i'm there too.....

mb

Kristie said...

I hope you are able to find what you are looking for, and are able to make the changes in an easy fashion. Mothering definitely is not an easy job, I too have been struggling, trying to find that groove. Hang in there.

topsytechie said...

Great attempt to explain those "in-between-how-the-hell-did-I-get-here-and-where-do-I-go-now" kind of seasons!! Here's hoping you have some good luck with that bull...

Stephanie said...

Ah, my favorite moments!!
heehee.

Try not to be too hard on yourself...
even Mama Nature has volcanoes and torrential winds sometimes. :)

Mine's about once a month.

mandy @ bona fide mama said...

I've been working to get "it" back lately too. Best of luck to you on your quest to find "it" again.

s t a c y said...

Yep. That's all I can say... Sometimes I think that unschooling really does strip away all the BS... all those things that protected us from the ebb and flow of life and kept us from finding our ways within in without suppressing it.

I'm wishing you joy, clarity, and meaning on your journey!!

MuddyMuse said...

I have to say I love your honesty. We are also struggling with outrageous kid drama and such and the thought of sending the oldest back to school has been creeping up on one shoulder but I feel like I would be devastated if I threw in the towel now. I want to be a guide to my kids and lead them where their minds want to go and no public school is going to be able to do that. I sometimes click on your blog just to be reminded of that and to hear the song "Exactly" keep it up and do what works for you.
Thanks for sharing
Love and light from the muddymuse

Sherry said...

I'm in total agreement with your husband and am glad you have a man with such good sense backing you up. :)