I don't even know what I want. Isn't that crazy?
I love homeschooling. But every so often, I struggle with the question of what the hell am I doing. Not in the sense I'm not sure in what order to teach American history or what to cover in 1st grade science. I'm talking more along the lines of...well, everything else.
Daily I struggle with how much structure. We can't be super structured, because as has been mentioned before, planning school out with no wiggle room doesn't work well when Dad, who we all enjoy to spend time with, may be home. Or might not. Or maybe he will be. But wait, I guess not. (Law enforcement, I tell ya.) But no structure? My insane little men can drive me insane when left to their own devices for more than 4 hours at a time. I know adults who can't handle non-structure. So once again, the answer lies somewhere in that elusive middle. The middle part that isn't easily found. I am completely convinced that throughout the course of life, "middle" shifts around many times.
We have an issue right now with groups. We used to be a non-group homeschooling family. Now, we essentially belong to three. That meet every week. Its not working. Plop swimming lessons on top of that, and seriously. Are we doing school, or are we learning how to behave in a car? We went from nothing to everything. And not even really on purpose. Where is middle?
I've decided some of the same things that make homeschooling so absolutely awesome are the same things that make it really really hard. For instance, homeschool celebrates our individual decisions. The differences between us. The freedom to teach our kids the way we want. And while those are the things that make homeschooling so great, its also what makes homeschooling tricky. Its great to be different, but everyone is different. A homeschooler is not a homeschooler is not a homeschooler. So try to throw us together in a group setting and have a suitable outcome...hmmm. It can be chaos! Where as in public school things are planned out and you know what is expected (regardless of whether or not you agree with it)....things are planned out! (easy!) You know what is expected! (Easy!) (Amazing how the emphasis changes the meaning, eh?)
Homeschooling is awesome because its up to us. But its also scary as hell because its up to us.
I'm just a little caught up in that right now. That sometimes I don't know if we will ever find the right method of learning. Or the right group for what we're looking for. Cripes, sometimes I don't even know what we're looking for.
Like I said in the beginning, I don't even know what I want. Except, perhaps, happy boys. :)