Our "schoolish" life is a hip happening place to be.
ziggurats built out of boxes
trying our hand at cuneiform
and all over general silliness
But there's other stuff. Like things that are starting to happen because of my last post. Big things, but hard things. Important, but difficult.
After writing my last post, I came to the realization that I often (without realizing it) expect things from my kids that I don't expect from myself. Or assume that I am already doing, but in reality, I'm not. I could have continued on unharmed after that smack upside the head realization, but really, it flattened me for awhile. And the more I paid attention to our conversations, unspoken exchanges, etc...the more I found that I didn't like. And a good chunk of that was what I saw on the MamaTea end of things, not the Iggy-Ooky end of things.
So instead of writing in my blog and wasting countless hours on Facebook, I've been reading. And listening. And thinking. And hopefully, changing.
It's big stuff. Like me learning to say half of what I want to, which is still probably more than I should, but its a step in the right direction.
Like me, spending less time trying to be what I'm not, and focusing more on being who I am.
Like me, looking at my behavior and my intentions and picking them apart. Why do I do what I do? Why did I just say what I said? Why am I planning to do what I'm planning? Why do I make the choices I make? No, now go back and answer that honestly, MamaTea. And when I can sit with myself in real honesty, I really don't like what I find. I mean, really. The intentions behind my actions aren't always noble or pretty.
I've been really trying hard to just live in this moment. And this one. And this one. And realizing that it isn't some cliche quote at the bottom of someone's email...but finding out what each and every word means for me.
I've been sitting and being with life for real. Knowing what works our family and being ok with it. Realizing there will always be issues, and sometimes they aren't issues that need to be fixed. Does that make sense? Sometimes there just isn't a solution to the problem. Sometimes the solution is figuring out how to deal with the problem until the problem takes a break. And sometimes you just have to be ok with that.
Its an interesting place to explore, not one that I've ever been able to sit inside of and be comfortable. Its a good place, but a hard place. An important place. And I know that my sitting inside of it can help every relationship I have.
I will never understand why stuff like this isn't part of the national standards.