Wednesday, July 8, 2009

kid + coffee = clarity

One of my goals for this summer was to create the opportunity for the boys to spend more one-on-one time with each parent. Since its almost always MamaTeaOokyIggy jumbled up into one ball wherever we go, whatever we do, 24 hours a day, its healthy (I think) to separate and see each other in a less jumbled up scenario. It's also nice, because it gives them some one-on-one time with Hubster instead of everyone in the MamaTeaOokyIggy ball fighting for Hubster's attention when he's able to be with us.

Yesterday I was able to spend a few hours alone with Ooky. It's always fun to see how different the boys act when they aren't involved in the insanity of sibling cattiness. After all, if you're not distracted by pestering that brother who is right there, you might have to actually be YouYourself.

Ooky asked to go to the library. We stayed there for about an hour looking at all sorts of things. We walked out with our usual mountain of books. Then he wanted to go to a coffee shop. We played games on the chalkboard there.

Ooky: (drawing a sort of differently shaped tic tac toe board) Mom, this is Rib Tac Toe. See the shape of the board? It looks like ribs.
MT: Yep, it does.
Ooky: Ok, now you be the O's. Those stand for the hearts.
MT: Ok.
Ooky: And I'll be the X's. Because those stand for the soul.

I spent a lot of time just watching him. Just seeing him for who he is. Not judging him or trying to figure him out. Just seeing Ooky where Ooky stands.And I like when I get to do that. Its nice to step away from the context of the jumbled up ball, to see things without the filter of frustration of what happened yesterday, or who will be mad if a certain someone says a certain something. To just see Him.

Ooky hears stories and music in his head all day. I know, he's told me. In those quiet spaces of life, just he and I, he talks about these things. Ooky is a kissy affectionate kid. He's also easily frustrated. He's intense. He explodes. At the core, he and I are so similar...we just work through different filters.

Ooky: I've been thinking, Mom. About what color Power Ranger I would be if I were really a Power Ranger.
MT: And what did you decide on?
Ooky: Mom, I just don't think there are enough colors in the world to explain the Power Ranger I would be.

I understand you. Totally. I know what you mean.

So while he's trying to invent colors to explain who he is, I'm smiling. Because everyday I realize he is all those parts of Me that I have a hard time figuring out. I'm smiling, because they're all being explained in a little spitfire of a boy who sits in front of me with a dripping ice cream cone and chalk all over his hands.

I don't need a self-help book. My way out is through the simple (yet so complex) ponderings of the Lives I helped to create.

Thanks, Ooky.


Green Mamma said...

This post made me smile (though, so much that you write makes me do that), :-) Your Ookey has the intensity (at least the way it reads here) that I observe in my highly sensitive Annabelle (she's now 2, so I'm sort of wondering how she'll evolve in the coming years).

Anyway, this post makes me hopeful that Annabelle and I will continue to have our "days of you and me" even in the months and years that her brother is born. I'm glad your family is finding ways to do that for each child.

mamak said...

Isn't the one and one time lovely. I love the private tour of the soul that I get to experience, I am so richer for it.

Ruralmama said...

Goosebumps. Pure Goosebumps.

You nailed it for me with my "Boo" girl. Right there. Music and colors no one else can see or describe. That's her to a "T". And it's beautiful even when it's sometimes scary.

You nailed it girlfriend!

s t a c y said...

Oh, what a lovely post!

We are starting to do a bit more one-on-one time, too. Such a gift for everyone.

topsytechie said...

The ball...the scrunched up ball! Yes, finally, I have a visual that actually comes close to explaining the interwoven chaos that is our lives. Great, great post. SO glad I found time to stop by today!!

Stephanie said...

A couple of years ago I figured out that being in the Still had the same results for me as reading things from favorite parenting authors.
Just getting into it will show the way. I love that.

From a Mama who's been watching closely and loving her babes of late, too. :)

MamaLou said...

i must make more of an effort to do this with my kids.....thanx for this inspiration!

Love 2B Homeschoolers said...

I don't comment here often, but I drop by a lot. I used to blog as often as you do, and wish I still had the time. You and your kiddos brighten my day :-)