And then there was Guilt

Ooky said the other day, "I just hate my life." He's a bit spirited, perhaps explosive, and will probably teach me everything I don't know about the world.

Iggy, who always wants to come out looking shiny and sparkly, says, "Oh yeah, well I love my life. Love love love it."

I love my life, too. Which happened to be the topic of discussion with Hubster last night. Because while I really adore the life I have, I feel really really...well, guilty. Even though we're not in our own home in the town we had planned on being in (and that will come)...Life is so so good.

I have a simple life. We wake up, we explore and eat up the day, we go to bed.

Hubster said "You do more than that," and told me I shouldn't think that what I do during the day isn't considered valuable work.

But that wasn't what I meant. I didn't intend for the conversation to be a booster about all the little things I do during the day, and how much they mean. We've had that conversation a million times before. He tells me how much I do, and I tell him I'm quite thankful for the opportunity to do so (him coming from a family of siblings who all have double income households, making us the weird ones.)

What I meant is that while I'm at home with the kids catching turtles, playing bocce ball, hiking in the woods, going to art festivals, baking bread, weeding the garden, he's off dealing with the really crappy messed up part of the world. He's a deputy working the night shift. He gets called to deal with people who are kicking the crap out of each other. Busting into each other's houses. Suddenly dying. Etc., Etc., Etc. The way I see it, he gets the short end of the stick.

I'm not naive. I know People, and People will suggest to Hubster that if his Looney Whackjob Hippie Wannabe Wife would just put the kids in school and get a job, all the problems of the world will go away. Because Common Knowledge tells us that two incomes and public school means you never have financial problems, and your kids are perfect.

Hubster reminded me that the way People think isn't how he thinks, so who cares what People think.

I told him I feel guilty for the simpliticy and the fun and the peace that I get to have every day, and he's out dealing with the exact opposite.

Hubster told me I was nuts if I thought I had a peaceful life. After all, I have to deal with Screamy (meaning Ooky).

But I didn't mean Peaceful as in quiet. I meant Peaceful as in everything is right.

He said I shouldn't feel guilty for being happy.

I feel like I'm in this big shift of how I look at most everything. It started with reading lots about unschooling and blew up into this whole different way to look at life in general. I mean, really. Truly. Completely. Its the difference between skipping along on the surface...or jumping in and going all the way under and not caring if you come up for what others might consider air. Just strapping on your gills and breathing something completely different.

Hubster said he likes our simple life. Hubster said that I am his normal in a world of insanity. And that I shouldn't worry. Or feel guilty.

I'll have to work on that.